think back, reflect in retrospect...

This was me in the beginning of 2008:

It was the best of times it was the worst of times.

Not referring to a Dicken’s novel, but his famous quote is a testament to my recent experiences. Why do I choose to do the things I do? I don’t know. I have said that sentence about fifty million times this month and I hate the word hate, but I hate that I’ve been saying I don’t know. Somehow I have convinced myself that it’s OK to not know, for now that is, because life is a mystery that is to be experienced.

I have my own cross to bear and like a deer caught in the headlights realized that there is something bigger than what I have to offer here. Well, I’m sure that this is something that a lot of us realize, but there is a difference between knowing something and acting upon something. This is coming from my heart and I can only speak for myself when I say that by making things right with myself and God, other strongholds in my life will excel. Never underestimate the power of prayer.

I’m back to where I started. Everything seems clear when there’s ignorance. Now it’s like I have blurred vision, got knocked out of balance, and need to be adjusted. I need to find it again. It’s one of the many tandems of life. Simplify. Sacrifice. Serve.

This is me, about 3/4 into 2009:

There is no time to be confused about my life or to be stuck in a quarter life crisis anymore. When you have a little one to look out for, you can't question the way the world works or why certain things fall on your lap.

When another person's life is at your hands, you don't think. You do. During the process, you enjoy what you are doing, learn from what you are doing, and are too damn tired to open a can of worms and write about how confused you are at 2 in the morning.

I have never had so much clarity in my life... ever.