Few thoughts before I go to bed...

...Or at least try to go to bed.

I have been anxious. Anxious about giving birth. Maybe that's why I'm not sleepy. Perhaps it's all the labor horror stories that I've been hearing. I swear, they didn't phase me at first, but now that I am less than a month away from my due date, it's kinda freakin' me out.

Maybe I'm just freakin' myself out.

I've heard every story. I've heard about a friend who couldn't walk for a month after she gave birth because the anesthesiologist didn't properly put in her epidural.

I've heard about someone who was only in labor for one hour.

I've heard about someone who was already 7 centimeters dilated, and they still cut her open. Some people don't know how much this affects a mother emotionally.

I've heard plenty worse.

I'm starting to watch informative shows on TLC that I think will be beneficial for me while I slowly enter parenthood, but I always end up emotional when I watch those shows (Bringing Home Baby, A Baby Story, John & Kate + 8).

One thing that gets me choked up is when they show the baby coming out of the mom, whether it be naturally or c-section, then the parents see the baby for the first time. It's the first time since the baby's life began that the baby is separated from their mother.

A new life.

It also kind of freaks me out that when the baby comes out, it's like a grayish-greenish color before they wash the baby off from all their natural glory.

To be quite honest, sometimes I am in disbelief that I really am pregnant. In the mirror, I look at my belly and I'm amazed that there is life inside of me. When I wake up, I see a big bump and I remember that there's something greater than me going on inside of me.

Knowing that I will be 100% responsible for another life is another feeling. I know nothing about how to hold a baby, breaking down and setting up a stroller, how to set up the car seat, bathe a baby, etc. Not to mention we still need to fix her room.

...but I know I'll be just fine when the time comes. I've been talking to people and they always tell me that I don't need to read all these books about pregnancy because everything will come naturally.

Nature at it's best.