Santa is not real.

blogging live from my iPhone here at the doctor's waiting to get my ultrasound. Unfortunately Nick is at work so he can't share this moment with me. Turns out my appt is at 4 but they're trying to squeeze me in. Before a mother takes an ultrasound, she must drink 24 ounces of water. I have been holding my pee since 130. I really need to go. I am fidgeting and my toes can't keep still. In the meantime I am blogging through my iPhone. Ayo technology!

Remember when you first found out that Santa wasn't real? I sure do. I heard rumors about him being fake through my second grade classmates, but surely they were lying! I saw him the week before and even took a picture with him at the Navy Exchange. Plus, he always ate the cookies I left him every year before I slept on Christmas eve, wondering what he'll bring me this year. I never asked him for anything because he always knew what I wanted. So my stupid classmates were definitely lying.

Then my older brother broke the news. It was as though he was mocking me for being gullible. I refer to him as the dream crusher!

"You know Santa's not real, right? You know Santa's really mom and dad."

"Shut up!" the 8 year old me said. "You're lying! You're a liar!"

He gave a mean laugh and then went out of my sight.

I followed him to the kitchen, just to doubly check that he was fibbing.

"He is real!" I said.

"Kathy, he's not real. It's been mom and dad this whole time."

Angered by this, I went back into my parents room to watch TV, patiently waiting for my mom and dad to get home from work so I could tattle tale at my brother for lying to me.

When my mom arrived, I blurted out, "SANTA IS STUPID!!!" (I couldn't think of a better way to confront the issue).

An shocked mother looked at me wondering how a second grader could have such a foul mouth. (We just moved to National City, what do you expect?)

"Ahhh don't say that. Santa won't bring you any presents this year!"

"But Jeryl said that you and dad are Santa and that Santa is fake."

The look on my mom's face gave it away, but I could tell she was still trying to play it off.

"Jeryl! Why did you tell your sister that Santa is fake?!" my mom asked.

"Mom, she's going to have to find out sooner or later."

I was hurt. Hurt because I really believed in Santa. Hurt because my mom and dad fooled me and they were the ones who I trust the most! Hurt because I called Santa stupid. Hurt because my classmates and brother were telling the truth. Hurt because I was a sensitive 8 year old brat.

Anyway, I guess being an adult now and STILL discovering the meaning of Christmas each and every year, it makes me glad that I did believe in Santa at one point. The spirit of Christmas includes believing. Believing that good has come onto earth, believing that Jesus was born, believing that if we are good, we'll be rewarded, etc. Believing should never stop especially when it goes hand and hand with the season of faith.

So I guess Santa can be real because you see it in the face of children. The happiness in their face is oh so very real. Therefore, Santa must be real.

By the way, I'm not at the doctor's office anymore! We're having a baby girl. A little mini smee, just like mommy! I'll make sure she believes in Santa Claus!

Also, on my way home, I was listening to Christmas songs. Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer came on and in my head I'm thinking, "What a f*cked up song!"

At first, the reindeer don't like Rudolf because he stood out. Now that Santa, the coolest man on the block, wants him to lead the pack, everyone wants to be Rudolf's homie. Can you say peer pressure? That's jacked up!!! Why couldn't they have liked him in the first place? It's all good, Rudolf, I still woulda rolled with you... with or without Santa!